Warnen: Sie verlassen jetzt die Welt

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 19:09:36 GMT

im tired of fake people.
not sure where that came from.
just putting it out there.
i miss john, hes at work.
i feel like hes always working.
and it makes me feel lazy.
camping/beach aug 25 to 28.
at least i get to have a vacation.
why is everything so expensive?
signed up for classes.
sociology, art appreciation, history, and math.
starts sept 1st.
hmm we'll see.
i dont know...

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 02:07:42 GMT

Im not sure what was wrong with me yesterday. i was just in a weird place.. mentally i guess. i feel better today i guess. right now, im waiting for john to get home. i feel like, for some reason, im always waiting for him. i miss him. even when hes around. it feel as if hes absent in some way. i know he has a lot of his plate so im hoping things get better. i do love him.

reading over this journal, over the past few years, it seems like i just go through guys. but i really dont. its odd. im not a slut i swear. haha

i wish, someone who find my journal, and make a movie/show about it. hey! it could happen!

a cavity moved into my heart today....

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 05:55:44 GMT

Im sure Ive used that title before. Like maybe one of my old journals, or this one.... i dont know.

Jesses deaf, in pretty sure. Im not sure how long she has. Im afraid to see her die. Like its going to be hard to lose something/someone that you grew up with. Like shes always been there.

A lot of shit has changed, but I dont care enough to explain it. You know, Im not sure if its my bc or just life in general, or a chemical imbalance in my brain. but i feel numb. like nothing phases me anymore. and when it does, i get angry. i dont really get excited or happy about stuff anymore.

i havent been on lj in forever. im writing in it because im almost certain no one will read it. its kind of comforting in a way. its a secret without really being s secret.

johns gone... hes working a night job. and for some reason i dont care. i dont really care about anything. i think that i think if i do this, if i do this whole college thing and get a good job and have money and a house and a paid of car, that its going to solve all my problems. but in reality its just going to start a whole new mess of them. fuck.

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 20:22:53 GMT

So job update: Im still at Cosi, but Im getting a good amount of days so Im sticking around. I might start the search again as it gets closer to summer but i dont know. Im trying to figure out if id rather work mornings or nights during the summer. hmm. Anyway, spring break is this week! A much needed break from classes. And saturday im headed up to classic electric to finish my sleeve, finally. After we were done with the first session, even though he only did the outline, it just felt more complete. And it looks great and can only get better. I almost feel like a void has been filled in my life just by finishing it. Its been something ive been wanting to do for a long time. I defiantly need my tax refund money. haha. Eh work soon.

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 19:48:12 GMT

I called 300 and they said theyd keep my app but they need people during the day and I said I need to work nights since I have school during the day. Oh well. Work gave me more days a week so yey!

This week is going to be busy... Saturday is my only day off. I cant wait until Saturday....

Boo today....

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:30:02 GMT

At school.. I decided to bring my laptop today.. but I think it was more trouble than its worth. Its heavy and annoying and there were empty computers I could of used. Oh well. I still have Psychology from 5 to 6 15… which sucks. My teacher is an idiot. And then crafts.. which actually isn’t so bad. But its from 7 to 9 40… Mondays and Wednesdays are so long. Boo! I cant wait to get home and sleep.

I applied to Kmart haha I know! And 300. No word from either yet. If I don’t hear from 300, Im defiantly calling them tomorrow or Friday.

First Day...

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 04:29:02 GMT

First day of classes was.. long. Mondays and Wednesdays are going to suck. But Tuesdays and Thursdays I only have one class so its a short day. I guess in a way its good that ill keep busy.

Im already done with winter and looking forward to summer.

where were you when everything was falling apart?

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 05:49:22 GMT

Sometimes I just feel like I'm missing out on life.

Im down to my last fish. All the others have died. It kind of makes me feel like a failure. I hope he makes it. I know it sounds stupid but I think I'm going to be sad if he dies. Like i just want him to make it. Maybe Im getting upset because Im listening to The Fray and its sad. I dont know.

School starts in a week. Excited but I know once Im there for a few weeks it will suck. Hmm, Im trying to have a good attitude about it though.

This summer Im definitely going to Florida. I need to do something exciting for once.

WORK SUCKS!

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 23:03:05 GMT

Oh my god! My bosses are so stupid. I have told them verbally and wrote it down at least 5 different times what my availability is once school starts so they put the schedule up for the week of January 26th, the week that school starts, and they put my on on Monday even i told them a bunch of times i couldn't work. Yeah that was a run on sentence but fuck it. I'm so over them. Im just going to come in the days that I can and if I'm in school its not my issue.

Ok, done ranting about the shitiness of work...

Ryan and I actually worked on the bathroom yesterday! I'm hoping we can work on it some more thsi week. Ive secretly set a goal to have it done by April or May. So we'll see. Its going to hard to find time to work on it since school and work and hes working... boo. I hate that work is necessary.

I really wish everyone still used Live journal.... it's sad.

SUMMER!!!

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 05:35:48 GMT

AHH FUCK WORK! I can't wait until my day off. I'm so over work and everyone that I work with. I already have my mind on the summer. I'm already sick of winter and the cold and we haven't even seen the worst of it. But anyways, summers going to be amazing. Ryan and I, decided were going to go to Florida for like a week. And maybe OC for like a weekend. Plus, I'm turning 21 this July. THAT'S CRAZY!!!

Schools starting soon, not looking forward to it. But I just need to get used to it again. Hopefully, I'll only have two more semesters at MC, then its off to Towson I go. Towson I'm petty excited about. I'm not excited about all the money I'm going to have to borrow in order to go there, but I guess it's what I have to do. In the long run its going to be better for me to have done this. I think my worst fear is to end up broke and unhappy with my job and have my way out... basically to end up like my parents. My parents lived in such a different time though. Like it was ok for them not to go to college, but now its like there not other option. Go, or be broke. Im choosing college. I know I deserve better than being stuck in a shitty job for the rest of my life.

Time is also a huge issue. For some reason I feel like I'm running out of time. I feel like I'm getting older way faster than my dreams are getting accomplished. Its a scary feeling.

Whoa, sorry for the rant. haha.

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 20:26:56 GMT

So Christmas is over. It was good. I got a new flat screen tv, some clothes, slippers, make up and some other cool stuff. I feel like you spend all this time planning for christmas, like buying gifts and decorating for weeks, and then when it comes its over too fast.

I still dont know what I'm doing for New Years. I'm not too worried about it though. I might have to work new years day, Im not sure.

Upcomming Stuff...
~New Years
~School starts January 26.
~Valentines Day!!
~Summer, I know its not for a long time. But I cant wait for the beach!!

UPDATES

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 02:43:36 GMT

Whoa. Its been awhile. No one writes on LJ anymore. Its sad. So anyways, after taking a semester off and figuring things out I finally signed up for classes for Spring. And then Ill have another semester at MC and then since they have an art education program, Im going to transfer to Towson. Its going to be alot of work but Im ready for it. I just decided I didnt want to be unhappy with my job and be broke for the rest of my life. I defintly think college is the way to go, as annoying as stressful as it may be. I feel somewhat more content now that I have a goal and a plan. Ive never had that before. My only worry is living away from home for like 2 years. But I guess it will be exciting. So for now Im just going to do the MC thing and work and pay off my bills.

Excited for Xmas...I asked for a few things. I still have to do alot of shopping, thats what this thrusday is for.

YEAH NIGGA!

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 16:51:31 GMT

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:34:23 GMT

I saw on dr. phil today that potential employers may look at your myspace or facebook page before hiring you. Im not sure how I feel about that. I mean I guess it would give them a pretty good idea of the kind of person you are but, on the otherhand, its kind of a privacy invasion. I dont think someones myspace page is a good indication as to how good of a working someone is. I dont know. I makes me think maybe I should change my profile... Or at least makeit private.

Im hoping Jeremy, Ryans friend, can talk to whoever he knows that works at chevy chase bank and maybe get me an interview or something. Working at a bank would be amazing. Good money, good hours, and benfits. I need health insurance and I think they might even help out with school.

Im really considering changing my major, when I do go back to school. Theres no real money in art. Sorry to say. And moneys what makes the world go round. Sigh

Falls coming....

JOB, FISH, RYAN

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 02:54:51 GMT

Still no new job. :( . But I still have hope.

But I got some new goldfish today. YES!

And I love Ryan, more than anything. I hope he knows that

JOBS

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 22:33:52 GMT

So my search for a new job is on-going. I filled out a bunch of apps online a few days ago and only one place called me back. I was actually surprised even one place did. Since it was online I wasn't expecting much. So I called back and scheduled an interview. It as with this place in Rockville called Best Friends Pet Care. As cool as it would be to work with animals, it was too far away and they weren't offering me that much more an hour than Cosi. so no go there. I also filled out an application to red door spa... I'm really hoping they call me back.

I need to start writing in this more. Or maybe make a whole new one. I don't know.

Summer almost over. :(

Happy Birthday to CARRIE!!!

I need to update with more pictures.

Writer's Block: Your Username

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 19:10:55 GMT

Why did you choose your user name? Is there any special meaning or story behind it?

Submitted By lilbananapie

View 502 Answers

Its from a gym class heroes song. I was trying to think of something a little random and weird and I just happened to be listen to GCH.. And thats what end up happening.

Oh, And I got a new laptop.. finally. Hopefully this one doesn't suck too.

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:23:21 GMT

I have to be at work in 45 minutes.

We, meaning me and Ryan, booked our hotel for the beach. and after telling his mom this she says she should ask her friend who has a condo down there if we could rent that out and stay there. I mean I'm game if it will save us money. But we found a pretty cheap hotel and its right on 9th street. hmm I don't know. i think Ryan's mom is going to talk to her friend. So we'll see.

I'm kind of freaking out because I haven't got my stimulus check thing yet in the mail and thats what I was planning to use for the beach. I'm hopping it comes soon. Wow, now I'm thinking about my lack of money and how I really need to get a new job.

I don't want to live with my parents for the rest of my life.

Tomorrow

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 03:19:27 GMT

~Work until 2 something
~Doctors app. at 2 45
~Drive home, drop pf sonata, aka piece of shit
~Drive to dealership
~Get my new car... I think I'm getting the black one. But we'll see.

AHHHHH!!!

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:10:36 GMT

Well it's not a civic.... but it's still amazing.

We went car shopping today and after talking to a bunch of different people, we decided it would benefit me and my parents more to buy a new car, rather than a used one. So I'm getting a brand new 2008 Chevy Cobalt. I have to wait until Monday to go get it. I can't wait. Excited!

Its between yellow or black... I'm not sure.. but I'm leaning toward yellow.

stuff

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:51:48 GMT

Mom just told me I'm going to have a new car by winter. I'm excited. she doesn't understand that to get a nice used car, that isn't a total piece of shit, with good mileage you have to spend at least $5000. Oh well, once we actually start looking at cars, she'll see. For some reason I really have my heart set on a honda civic.

Yeah. So me and Ryan talked more about us going to the beach. If they hire him for the new supervisor position and let him take time off... I'M PRAYING THEY Do... then we should be going sometimes in mid-july. Which will work out because then ill have my new digital camera and ill have gotten my stimulus check by then. I really need that money to help pay for the hotel.

I slept all day, so now I wont be able to sleep tonight. Great.

I dont Know

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 01:45:27 GMT

So I've been thinking about what to get tattooed on my ribs for months now, and I still haven't thought of anything yet. So I'll keep thinking. Maybe some lyrics? I'm not sure. The one thing that will suck, besides the actual getting tattooed on the ribs (I've heard it hurts), is I want be able to go swimming or to the pool for two weeks and that's no fun.

I got my blackberry, I know i was supposed to get it for my birthday but Ryan let me get it early. :)

Last night interesting. Ryan, m, and some of Ryan's friends went to a strip club yesterday. Its defiantly not how it is in movies. haha. Fun times.

Writer's Block: For the Day Off...

Mon, 26 May 2008 11:31:22 GMT

I originally didn't have today off. But when I went in yesterday, they had changed the schedule. So I was happy about that.

My moms making a bunch of cookout food and some people are coming over. Ryan, Chelsea, and Brian are coming. Should be interesting. Ryan had to work today, sucks. Hopefully he gets off early.

I'm not sure why I'm up so early.

Sun, 25 May 2008 04:50:41 GMT

I'm updating because im bored. I went through and deleted/edited a bunch of old entries. They were just pointless and serve no purpose to the person I am now or the life I'm currently living. I'm not sure who I am anymore, but I know I'm a happier person than I was. And I know, it's in large part to Ryan. He is the cheese to my macaroni.

I cant wait for....

Sat, 24 May 2008 03:40:54 GMT

{the beach}

EXCITED LIKE SHIT!!!